30-sai no Hoken Taiiku, episode 10: Your love life. There is no hope.

So, I’m filling in for Sabishii this week, because he has some aspirations to be a good student or something. Somebody needs to get their priority straight. School and good grades gets you nothing. All anime, all the time though? That’s how you become the Virgin King.

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So actually, this was the first time I’ve seen this show. I have no idea what’s going on, besides what Sabishii’s written up. What I did notice is that within the first 3 minutes, they checked off basically every anime girl trope. Twin tails? Check. Maid uniform? Check. Fangs? Check.

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Pink hair? Check. Little hats? Check (By the way, those little hats should be attached to headbands, that’s how they stay on the girls’ heads) Twins? Check. Tsuntsun attitude? Check. Quiet girl? Check. Small breasts? Check. Big breasts? Check. Goth loli outfits? Check.

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Naked maid? Check. Wait. What was this show about again? Mmm… naked maid. *scribbles down note to self* "Suggest naked maid costume for cosplay."

So as far as I can tell, the sex gods have gotten sick, which means the two 30-year old virgins are left to fend for themselves. But of course, things don’t go well between the two, because? Well, they’re both virgins. Which is a euphemism for they’re incompetent social beings.

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But wait? Is Imagawa really a virgin? I mean, he’s been shagging Momoko, the not so virtual wife, for God knows how long. I have to say I’m disappointed in Imagawa’s taste in blow up girls. It’s not just the breast size that matters. How can you get it on with someone with a heart shaped head? It’s as if she was born inside a nuclear reactor. Sure, I know Andou sporting some fierce eyebrows, but come on now, Imagawa! You can do better than Momoko!

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Or then again… maybe not. It takes a special man to love a doll like Momoko.

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Someone like… the Virgin King! For the very first time! Woo!

Seriously, Sabishii, you need to stop studying. Start saving up for that Strike Witches dakimakura and in 15 years, not only will you have had sex an umpteenth amount of time (as long as you regularly wash and take proper care of that dakimakura). You will also command the allegiances of all the virgins beneath you… I suppose there is a bit of an oxymoron in there.

But in the end, the two make up more or less. Or rather, Andou surrenders to Momoko charms and takes heart in the fact that she’s at least human. The lesson she should’ve learned was that, you don’t need to be a dead fish like Momoko in bed! Show Imagawa what he’s been missing!

I know 30-sai is somewhat of a satire/parody, but somewhere out there, there’s otaku who are taking copious notes on this show. I don’t think they’re getting great advice. *scribble scribble* Stand by my inflated woman. Eventually the 3D disgusting pig will either go away or capitulate. And one day we can all have threesomes!