30-sai no Hoken Taiiku, Episode 5: When in doubt, fap like there’s no tomorrow

It’s like a cocktail of Star Wars and masturbation. No, it’s just masturbation.

All hands battle stations!

Well, after yet another rejection by Natsu, Hayao returns home dejected once more. So, from the beginning of this episode, we are introduced to 5 people who name themselves based on our fingers. What does that mean? What does this have anything to do with 30-sai no Hoken Taiiku? Certainly those were the thoughts that were drifting around in my mind as I struggled to come to terms that I was actually watching 30-sai, not some anime World War II show. Anyways, I came to a sudden revelation when they mentioned  some sort of a “battle” that was supposed to take place, but it had never occured, thus the men are down in spirits. Well, when you have 5 fingers, and you are a guy who has just been rejected, what should you do? Fap like there’s no tomorrow.

Excellent demonstration Hayao

Anyways, after seeing Hayao fap, we are lead to another one of Daigorou’s scathing lectures to Hayao. The fact that Daigorou doesn’t mince his words to Hayao has certainly been a running gag for me in show. During Daigorou’s lecture, Macaron interjects and tells Hayao that he should get rid of his fantasies for Natsu and get another girl. Oddly enough, Macaron indulges in some alcoholic beverages and is apparently drunk. Chou-kawaii~. Regardless of which, we get another “GOD MODE” chalkboard advice from Daigorou and basically he says that Hayao is not seen as someone who can become a romantic interest for Natsu and is simply branded the appellation of a BFF, friend, or even just an acquaintance. Also, Daigorou informs that should Hayao choose not to give up on Natsu, Hayao would need to wait from 3 months to a year before confessing to Natsu again. Ouch~ (Actually, that’s totally legitimate advice)

What's not to love about a girl who drinks by the gallon and speaks French?

From the last episode, we were introduced to the female gods based on Natsu’s side of the story. Unfortunately, I failed to notice some details and missed out the name of one of the gods. So, as a quick rundown, the god with the twin tails is called Pi-chan, and the god with the short hair is Ku-chan (you can remember her as a kuudere). Anyways, just like Macaron and Daigorou, they are siblings and have come to help Natsu relieve her of her viriginity.

Anyways, just like on Hayao’s side, Natsu is bombarded by insults from the gods about how pathetic Natsu is and how she failed to accept Hayao’s confession…for the 3rd time. However, instead of focusing on the argument between Pi-chan and Natsu, my attention was fixated on Ku-chan who was just casually bathing in the limelight, being the moeblob she is.

For all you single men out there, you should all very well know what this implies

After all that sadness in both parties, Hayao visits a video rental store the next morning and has some “private” time to himself. Of course, during that private time, he’s stocked up with some AVs and a box of tissues. Wait…did I say it was more than 1 AV? Either this guy has stimulation problems or he has the endurance of an AV actor. Anyways, skipping the details about how he achieves orgasm…

FIRE THE *****CANNON!

Basically, we get a viewer-friendly depiction of how Hayao faps and the resulting “explosion” afterwards. Very visual.

Somewhere else in the city, Pi-chan and Ku-chan drag Natsu to an adult toys/eroge shop in order for Natsu to gain some “experience”. Then again, one must wonder how they managed to convince Natsu to come to that store. Of course, they told her it was a “cute goods” shop and that it was totally harmless. Uhm, hello? They’re sex gods, Natsu…SEX GODS!!!

Anyways, while they’re at the shop, they bump into Daigorou and we are revealed that Pi-chan & Ku-chan all went to the same “God elementary” as Daigorou and apparently they go way back…

...Or not...

Yes, that poor little girl with the skirt flipped up is none other than Pi-chan. Kind of makes you feel bad for her, but still, Daigorou is still too boss that he can’t be held accountable for any wrongdoing. Anyways, being the tsundere that Pi-chan is, Daigorou was beaten to a pulp by her while being called all sorts of degrading names. Definitely an “osana najimi” I would say…

Another awesome pose by Daigorou ft. Ku-chan

Anyways, we end this scene with a couple more hilarious jokes and eventually we see a very “tired” Hayao walk home back to his apartment. Of course, upon his arrival at the front gate, he’s confronted by the “landlord?” who seems to have a superb olfactory sense for anything related to women…

Shakespeare in the making, this old man is

And no, that’s not a sub, I think that’s the actual text on the RAW…

Anyways, that pretty much concludes this week’s episode of 30-sai no Hoken Taiiku. Unlike the previous episodes, this episode featured a lot more sexual jokes and we saw some moderate story development. Not that it was significant, but we have confirmed that Natsu does have romantic feelings for Hayao, except she’s just too timid to admit it. Also, we kind of get a backstory on Daigorou’s past along with Pi-chan and Ku-chan’s. Not as much information was revealed as I would’ve liked, but that certainly adds a bit more of an incentive to pay attention to the god characters. In general, I thought this episode was yet another hilarious 30-sai episode, but as usual, I keep thinking that the plot should be moving at a much faster rate.

Also, at the end of the episode, we hear Hayao’s decision that he will wait 90 more days before he attempts to ask out Natsu again (as in a confession). Could this mean there will be a 3 month time skip between episode 5 & 6? Who knows, but you’ll definitely have to tune into episode 6 to find out!

Yes I'll shut up now.