Sorry that this post was put up later than usual. It’s just that after watching this episode of Sacred Seven, I couldn’t for the life of me think of anything interesting to say. Seriously, I wracked my brain for two days trying to find a way to say in none too succinct a manner that this episode was boring.
It was so horribly banal, so contrived, so pointless, that I actually paused less than halfway through to catch up on the unbelievably stupid Grenadier, and to take screencaps of characters in the Kanon VN saying “Dickballs”. What’s sad is I can say that doing both of those was a million times more productive than watching this episode of Sacred Seven, and I actually felt a part of my soul die a horrible death at the thought of going back to finish things up.
Rather than go into detail as to why this episode failed as much as it did at eliciting any emotion other than indifference and vaguely vindictive thoughts toward Sunrise, mostly since E Minor did so before I did, I shall treat you to an abridged, occasionally inaccurate script that perfectly sums up the happenings of the episode, before wrapping things up with a paragraph further elaborating on my opinion.
After our new, not nearly as fabulous OP, Alma and Ruri are talking about stuff that I couldn’t be buggered to pay attention to. The exchange goes something like so:
Ruri: Make a contract with me.
Alma: Why? Isn’t this the wrong, much worse anime for you to be saying that in?
Ruri: Yeah, so?
Alma: Just wondering. To answer your question, no.
Ruri: Curses, foiled again. I knew you didn’t like me, just like your reluctant acceptance of my lunch last time indicated.
Alma: Stop putting words in my mouth.
Fast forward to Alma’s house, where a still calked together Hellbrick sends them on a mission for more rock for him, after suffering an apparent brain aneurysm. No, he doesn’t mean drugs, though it sure seems like it to him.
Hellbrick: Argh! Quick Ruri! Both you and Alma go and get me a rock from this village! I only have three days to live, and only through the magic of a superfluous dating episode can you save me!
Alma: Why should I do this? Isn’t it a bit contrived?
Hellbrick: Just do it, Ruri’s bought it, and you need to get laid.
Alma: No arguments there. I’ll also keep scowling, chicks dig the scowl.
So Alma and Ruri head on a magic train ride over to McGuffin Village, where they get the rock that they need. However, all is not well… or rather all is well, and Ruri just likes tripping over stuff.
Ruri: Boy, isn’t this a kooky date… I mean, trip to save Hellbrick from certain doom?
Alma: It sure is! You’ve tripped and dropped coins, man you’re clumsy!
Ruri: I know! Want to faff around a bit?
Alma: Boy, do I!
And they faff about for another third of an episode, before a flashback to Alma’s past in the town, which mostly plays out as such:
Young Alma: GRR HULK SMASH!
Young Children: OH SHIT!
Content with wasting the audience’s time, they return home to find that they were set up in an obvious trap to get them to go on a date and get closer! Oh that silly Hellbrick.
Kagami, the only character whose teeth I don’t want to cave in with a sledgehammer, also meets with a shady guy who he talks to about the evil organization.
Kagami: Do you know about that evil organization?
Shady Guy: Yeah, they’re evil. Don’t talk about them and stuff.
And then the evil organization guys plot like evil organizations are wont to do, and our episode ends on a cliffhanger. But really, who’s following at this point with enough attention to care?
I don’t like Sacred Seven, if you can’t tell. It’s boring and not campy enough to make up for its attempts at seriousness ruining what could otherwise be a great, silly plot with little else but superficial entertainment value. I can hope the next episode at least returns to the plot so I have something to say that isn’t quite so troll-ish and mean spirited.